no pills. no magic.

Just exercise, eat more and lose more! :D

I eat 5000 calories of carbs everyday. hahah. And still loseweight. :D

 no pills. no magic.

Just exercise, eat more and lose more! :D

I eat 5000 calories of carbs everyday. hahah. And still loseweight. :D

 High in spirit again! :)

Salad Time Mix Greens . Oh yea

2 packs of spinach

2 packs of almond milk. ( goodbye dairy milk)

1 pack of whole wheat tortilla wrap

and a bottle of blue cheese dressing (awesome find at a health food store!! 0 calorie dressing!! )

I want to buy strawberry but its so damn expensive!

I want to buy some mushrooms but it’s so damn expensive.

I want to buy some arugula greens but it’s so damn expensive.

Grabe , strawberr 500pesos per pack 

Pati yung mushroom. :( 389 per pack of 3 mushroom!

Ang mahal naman ng healthy foods. huhuh

  This journey is very important to me. I really want to recover from BED, I am trying my very best to change my attitude and thinking. It was very hard for me to start an exercise routine. It’s very hard for me to enter the gym during my first day. But, I did it because I want to recover. I want to be strong. I want to control my life. I started preparing my food. I want to eat clean . I want to show that I love my body and that I care. I want to recover because I know I can and I want to be an inspiration of other like 5months or a year from now.

     For the past few days, I feel down. I know the trigger is I keep comparing my progress to others. I have a gym mate and she is perfect. Her hair, her eyes, her nose, her skin, her body, and her breast. Everything. She is so dainty. We’re doing spinning in a group in front of the mirror. She looks so pretty while sweating. On the other hand, when I look at myself. I suddenly feel so ugly. My confidence collide. I feel fat even though I almost lost 40 pounds. I feel bloated and dirty. I keep reminding myself that I am beautiful too. But why is it hard to see it? If ever I’ll have a daughter, I’ll always remind her how pretty she is .

    Another trigger today is : I weigh myself for my weekly weigh in today. I expect the scale to be 144lbs. But I lost 1.2 pounds only this week . I am now 147.6. I feel low when I saw the numbers. I am giving my effort but why can’t I be at 144. FUCK YOU SCALE. I’m gonna break you in half later. I don’t deserve to feel this way.

    At first I feel I’m about to recover. But, it felt like I’ve lost my track now. My plan is not clear. My vision myself being healthy is blurry. 

    Today, because of too much anxiety inside. I make a bad choice. Again. I choose food to relieve the anxiety. I skipped school today because I don’t feel like too. This is bad. I skipped gym workout with my trainer.

   I ate

   Protein Shake, 2 sweet corn , 1 white rice + eggplant + egg + greenbeans + coconut milk , 1 white rice + tofu + water spinach + 2 pizza slices + 1 pack kisses cookies and cream + 1 polvoron + 1 pack bread stick + 1 cup of melted chocolate.

   What should I do now? Should I workout? No? I remember the last time I binged and I made myself a cup of laxative tea and I collapsed. I don’t want that to happen again.