Secret Shame: Diet Pill

Happy Christmas everyone! A bit belated I know and I also know I have some explaining to do. Long and short of it, I got swamped with work, the stress of daily life made me want to be a recluse for a while and guilt consumed me. 

I thought long and hard before committing this on "paper". I, who've advised others in the forums on the perils of diet pills, succumbed to taking them. In particular, I restarted my prescription for Sibutrim with sibutramine as the active ingredient.

If you recall the news from a couple of months ago, you'll remember that sibutramine and all the brands carrying them have been pulled out of the US market by the FDA and I think it never got approved in the European market at all. A friend of mine who works as a pharmacist told the story of how they were instructed to pull off all sibutramine products from their shelves.

Backstory of my prescription: On my last trip to the province (Christmas 2009) I had a consult with a very good doctor who upon my unending pleas for help prescribed Sibutrim for 3 months. It was a relatively new drug that seemed promising in addressing weight loss and helping patients avoid cardiovascular related diseases. I was not one of these patients but vain me wanted a quick fix and was willing to pay for a quick solution.

I was willing to use my body as a guinea pig if it meant shedding 20 lbs in a month. Sibutrim operates by suppressing your appetite. It worked very well and I lived on 500 calories a day grazing on tuna and vegetables. This is not what the prescription called for but I figured, the opportunity was here. I had a magic pill that will trick my brain into not signaling my body that it needed food. Let's maximize the opportunity! 

The downside were the headaches, irritability, insomnia and one horrific episode of heart palpitations that left me in tears for fear I was having a heart attack and I can't wake my roommates up because it was late and they had work the next day. Stupid. Very stupid.

So I stopped taking my prescription a month into it. But then, months later, I was getting frustrated with the plateau I hit. I thought I'd give it a second shot. Go back and continue with my prescription for a month to get past that pesky 10lbs that see-saws on the scale.

So I did and I stopped blogging. 

It didn't feel right to celebrate this event in my life. For those who want to know, it worked for a couple of week and then backfired. This time, my relationships suffered. I couldn't stop complaining about being soooo hungry. All the time. My body did not like what was going on and neither did my friends. I realized, I may possibly reach my goal but at the expense of my health and relationships.

Also, as soon as I got off Sibutrim, rebound appetite set in. I gorged myself on chips and chocolate day in day out. It was not pretty. This on top of the upcoming holiday parties meant I was facing yummy, greasy food on a 24-hour basis. Production shoots on location secured my fast-food train ride.

The only upside I could possibly see was how happy I became after I stopped taking Sibutrim. So, everyone around me also became happier in my company. I stopped snapping at people and started to listen to them again instead of just making a litany of complaints all the time. All the weight I lost on Sibutrim I regained in a couple of weeks. I'm still in that see-saw and I'm not that happy about it. However, I am grateful for being able to sleep easy again.

There may be irreparable damage done to my body. Especially, after I read up on all the articles relating to the side effects of the drug. I was an inconsistent pill-taker and I hope that worked in my favor. My most recent physical says everything is a-okay but I worry about how my heart (the organ) is doing.

It's nearly the end of the year and to start a new year right I am signing myself up for Bikram yoga. I'm taking my first class later. Based on friend-feedback, this yoga class has taught them to look at their bodies with kindness, to treat it as a friend and not an enemy. J's dad is also recommending some meditation techniques to help me obtain clarity of mind. So I can help myself focus on the big picture more.

So, what's the final verdict? A big NO to diet pills. 

I promised a photo of me in Halloween costume and though it's long overdue, here it is. I'm the green fairy!