Fresh Start

Happy happy Easter! It's been a long while since I last blogged. Let me give you guys a quick run through of the stuff that has happened since January (in case you thought I fell off a cliff somewhere and got magically transported to Narnia.)

I quit my job.

To start my own business.

And begun my first big fat project. Scratch that. ProjectSsss.

The horizon looks very promising.

I am a graphic designer by trade. But becoming an entrepreneur required me to wear many hats and learn fast. Now, I'm juggling being an accountant/lawyer, a project manager and a graphic designer last.

My diet is all blown to bits and since I've completely lost my mind and stopped reigning in my appetite I have ballooned back to 150lbs. Surprisingly, I no longer see this number as unscalable. Nor do I get bouts of insecurity when looking at my reflection. Which leads me to Bikram yoga.

Bikram yoga was a blast. I lasted for all of 1 week before I stopped. The exercises, the poses, the heat; all of that I can handle. Some days, I craved it. I've always liked how heat can turn my muscles to taffy and make it so much easier for me to do my stretches. As I have no affection for the cold, even a simple spike in temperature in the office causes my extremeties to go chilly and my body to hunch in on itself, Bikram was a perfect workout. It will totally wring you out.

What was galling (at the time) was to see all the perfect bodies around me doing the same poses with ease that I had to struggle through. The studio is fully lighted and had mirrors everywhere. The logic behind it was that you needed to be able to see clearly to scrutinize your reflection when doing the poses and supposedly so you'd learn to love and accept your body.

You know that saying? Like a beached whale? Well, that felt like it applied to me. I'd say, work was my excuse. Being so busy I can barely keep track of the days passing. But no, a big chunk of it was the awkward sensation I was battling. 

See, in Bikram, the heat's so heavy you gotta strip down to bare essentials. Which to most meant down to bikinis. Even the men. My eyes nearly popped when our intructor stepped out the changing room practically naked. I couldn't do that. I wore my long bike pants and a tank top. All in black of course. Slimming daw kasi. 

Not to mention that all the classes I managed to attend seem to be filled with the dean's list of Bikram. You know, lean, toned, with that unshakable calm and that glow to the skin. Bastards. 

I kid. Fyi, I usually took the 6am class. The classes that come after seem to be attended by what I'd call regular folk. Hmmn..

So yeah, I love Bikram. it was refreshing and I got immediate feedback from friends who saw me during this time. All good reports. My skin was glowing. I seem brighter. I looked good. My clothes were more loose.

But I hated, truly I did, going to class so dressed up while everybody else were stripped down. Some poses made my tummy bulge so much I felt like a river of blubber. Keeping clothed was my only answer. But it made me stand out and my head was totally messed up. I kept thinking, "What must they think of this upstart? Coming here, pretending to be one of them?" "Look at her, so...fat."

I'm still apprehensive about all that bad juju in my head coming to fore when I take up Bikram again. Having great progress with my career, being financially secure (for real this time) is a wonderful bolster. I'm heading back to Bikram at the start of May. Might take the later classes this time around. I like early classes, when the sun's just peaking through the sky. The day full of promise. But, for the benefit of my oh so fragile ego, I'll take the later classes that have more people dressed as I was. 

In the meantime, I've been going walking/jogging everyday for atleast 5km around Makati. I have a handy phone app that keeps track and it's a good motivator. I've been eating sensibly, sometimes being a tad restrictive on myself. But, that's me, give an inch I take a mile. Especially when chocolate is in the equation. So, the diet I put myself through can become a little extreme too.

This may be the only post that has no photo. I will post more soon. Anybody who's interested in taking up Bikram, check out: http://www.bikramyogamanila.com/

They have branches around Manila. It's a bit pricey and in the interim since my last class, I've been setting aside moolah for a month's worth of classes. Even with the price, it's totally worth it. The instructors are all very nice and friendly. Inside the hot room there's no talking but once you hit the showers, your classmates are like chatterboxes. Quite lively and friendly too.

For now, Happy Easter everybody! I hope you all got to spend the Holy Week with family and loved ones.